Dating and CF...how do the two mix?
I, personally, am very open about having CF. One of my favorite things to do is to tell people about it. Self disclosure in a relationship varies by a number of factors. You may not want to share that you have CF because you feel like it will scare the person away...or you may not know how to bring it up. For some of us CF is a little more obvious (those with PICCs/Ports, o2, etc). At some point or another in your relationships (friendships, too!) you might feel the need to share this private portion of your life. Here are just a few tips from my personal experiences, along with a little bit of my background.
1. It's important to tell those around you because a situation may arise where it is pertinent to your health. EX: Dinner with friends, and they want to sit in the bar area of the restaurant...is that the wise thing to do?
2. You're dating someone for a couple of months, and they want to know why you never stay the night. Well, because doing treatments in front of someone as attractive as you is embarrassing!
Of course everyone will take the news differently. Some will know what CF is from a TV show, or friend of a friend, or even a friend! Others will have no idea what you're saying. I usually tell people very early on. If I'm dating a guy for two months, he already knows. If I'm on a second date, he already knows. I like to get it out in the open so that if he is uncomfortable with my condition, medication, and hospital routine, he can leave without our feelings becoming too involved.
Over the past 10 years I've had people say some pretty hurtful things to me. Kids in high school spread rumors about me having AIDs...I was made fun of for skipping my noon class for treatments, I've had guys tell me they don't want to date me because you date to get married....and who would want to marry a sick person?
Some of you know me, some of you do not. For those of you that do not, you will after this.
I was married for 2 years. I got married at 21, and divorced at 23. The "man" (using that term loosely, because he was more of a mouse) I was married to was in the military. He deployed, had an affair, and we divorced. When the affair came to the surface there were 300+ emails completely bashing me. These emails were between him and his fellow female soldier whom he was involved with. A majority of the emails talked crap about me, and how I was faking sick for attention. They also included the "well, just stay married a little longer, she won't live forever, collect the insurance, move on." and "what's it like being married to someone that you know is going to die?" HELLO, we're all going to die!
When I explain CF to someone, it goes something like this:
I have Cystic Fibrosis, it's a genetic disease that primarily affects my lungs. I get sick, I take a lot of medicine, and I get exhausted really quickly. I have appointments, a special diet, and I wasn't expected to live past 14...however, because I'm genetically awesome, I've been able to overcome it.
It's serious, informative, and a little fun at the end. I also do a lot of fundraising/awareness things for the CF Foundation.
The world is full of narrow minded, selfish people. I encourage you to use your best judgment, and listen to your instincts when disclosing CF. Life isn't easy, the last thing you need is someone who won't support you.
-B.
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