What NOT to say to someone with a chronic illness...

What NOT to say:

1. "We're all going to die anyway." well, DUH. The only difference is I have this burden to carry, a number, the average lifespan, lingering over my head every waking moment. Yes, everyone is going to die, but not slowly, painfully, and without a fight.

2. "You don't look sick." Really? Because you don't look dumb but you just proved me wrong. We've all heard it before. Define: looking sick. Outward appearance doesn't always matter. Just because I look fine to YOU doesn't mean I feel okay.

3. "But you're too young to be this sick." Genetic mutations are present from the beginning so technically I've been sick since I was in my mother's womb. Talk about young! Plus, illness doesn't have an age preference.

4. "You're always so depressing!" Why thank you! I'm so glad you noticed.

5. "Are you faking it? Why are you exaggerating? You just want attention!" Yes...I fake being sick for pity. I enjoy laying around all day out of breath. I'm obviously exaggerating because I have nothing better to do. If I just wanted attention I'd shave my head, not have some life threatening disease, but thanks.

6. "smoke pot" "have you tried (insert natural remedy here).

7. "My mom has asthma (insert similar illness of lesser magnitude here), so I know EXACTLY how you're feeling!"

Alternative options:

1. What can I do for you?
2. How are you feeling? What can I do to help you feel better?
3. I hate seeing you like this, please let me know how I can help.
4. I know this is hard on you. Let's go (out to dinner, for a walk, to a movie) to take your mind off of things.
5. I would love to learn more about (insert illness here).
6. If you just need to vent, I'm always here.

NOTE:

People might not accept your invitation to help. Sometimes just offering can make a world of difference. It's important to have people in our lives that will lift us up and sustain us when we're feeling ill and down in the dumps. Everyone is different. Our needs and preferences vary, this is based off of my experience as a patient with Cystic Fibrosis.

What do you suggest saying/not saying?


B.